enormous iNCoNgrUiTieS|A Beacon of Intermittence

PLAYGIRL EYES SPITZER for spread. Well, maybe I got it all wrong. Is it still called a “spread” when it’s a guy posing?

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Knowing that he was going down anyway, Spitzer missed an excellent opportunity to strike a powerful blow for society’s sexual liberation. He could have been a martyr for all the ordinary people who are persecuted for their sexual orientation(s). Not that there is anything wrong with being gay, as long as you don’t actually get caught having gay sex.

Isn’t having tawdry sex really a taboo we foist upon ourselves? Doesn’t the way we react when we get caught wanking have more to do with the continued existence of Victorian morals as much as the absolute necessity to maintain those morals?

Consider if Gov Spitzer had a different reaction after his expensive soirée with Ashley (Kriste ) Dupree was exposed.

Reporter: Gov Spitzer, is it true you paid a common man’s annual salary to have sexual relations with a prostitute?

Spitzer: Oh yeah, baby. I shagged her rotten. She was a little devil too, baby. Umm.

Reporter: (Shocked. Writhing for words) Oh, well, umm… Mrs. Spitzer? What do you think of all this?

Spitzer’s wife: (Smiling discretely) Well, he is my little bunny rabbit.

Imagine the outrage. Imagine the horror. Imagine like it’s no big deal.

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Often as not I find myself in disagreement with Megan McArdle but I think she nails this one:

Second of all, can we all concede that at least part of the reason that women do not want to be prostitutes is that there is a severe social stigma attached to women who are promiscuous, and particularly to women who rent their promiscuity to men–a stigma far, far greater than that which attaches to their clients? This makes any argument from my desires entirely circular. Kerry is arguing for eliminating that stigma. If I’d grown up in a culture that thought of “prostitute” as a job like “CPA” (another job I’d hate), I probably still wouldn’t want to be one. But the fact that I am repulsed by the idea of turning tricks, having grown up in a society that thinks there’s something deeply wrong with turning tricks, is not actually proof that there is something deeply wrong with turning tricks.

Morals are a luxury that some people can’t afford. Besides, what difference in the world could it possible make if some man who I don’t know even exists pays to have sex with some woman (or man) who I don’t know even exists? What other people choose to do amongst themselves totally doesn’t concern me unless I am intent on forcing my morals on others or unless I believe enforcing the majority’s moralality on the minority is a legitimate function of government, which I don’t.

The only problem I have with prostitution is that it could lead to dancing.

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Talk about your double standard and double irony. Over the same tawdry incident Gov Spritzer falls from fame to ruination beyond repair and Ashley Alexandra Dupre — identified in court papers alleging that Spitzer paid thousands of dollars for her services as Kriste the high-dollar call girl — will likely rise to stardom and fame from her humble vagabond beginnings. She will get her fifteen minutes of fame and then some. She may even get a break in her music career if she plays it right. Heffner has probably already called Kriste.

No disrespect, beautiful though she is the only reason I’d pay Kriste $5,500 an hour for a night is if she could make me about $100,000 profit. Kinda like a pimp I guess but Ashley wouldn’t have to fuck any anal-retentive Jewish politician, or anyone else she didn’t want to. But then I am just a simple guy with not a lot of extra money (though she — Ashley or Kriste — could fuck me if she wanted to as long as she is “cleeean”.)

But I guess if I wasn’t paying the tab the fee wouldn’t be an issue. The escort service probably could have charged $10,000 an hour for all Spitzer cared, as long as he got what he wanted. Hell, for all we know the pussy was a throw in on some other deal.

Nobody would ever mistake me for being “Mister Clean” but it appears as if my criminal record will be much cleaner than Spitzer’s by the time “they” (like I said, Spitzer should have never fucked with a guy named Bruno) are finished with him.

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I have been informed by an inside anonymous source that Elliot Spitzer, aka Elliot “Ness”, aka Mr Clean, aka Client #9, aka John, will not retire as planned over his whore dogging. My source is reporting that Spitzer was heard saying to his senior aides with a raised, determined voice, “So what? I am still Mister Clean, I just like to fuck a lot. Why do you think I spend $5,000 on a whore… To make sure she’s cleeeean.”

Reportedly, Spitzer was seen with his hands held out from his body in front of his chest, the tips of his forefingers touching his thumb and the remaining fingers out as if taking a sip from a dainty little tea cup. He was moving them in a widening, outward comma motion as he drew out the word “cleeean.”

Unnamed sources speaking on condition of anonymity because they are not authorized to speak to the press have reported Spitzer is determined to prevail: Buying a whore from a prostitution ring is okay as long as the girls are “cleeeean.” Lo all these years he’s only been shutting down the dirty little whores, not the clean whores.

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Talk about Poetic Justice. Spitzer was already expected to testify in front of the Public Integrity Commission — a commission that Spitzer himself had created to look in to issues relating to Public Integrity — for some dubious activities relating to a smear campaign Spitzer was allegedly orchestrating against Senate Republican leader Joseph Bruno. Now I guess Spitzer will need to make a new appointment with the commission to explain his extracurricular swordsmanship. The locals are talking impeachment if Spitzer doesn’t resign.

I have no love loss for Elliot Spitzer. As a matter of fact I’ll take some vicarious pleasure watching his career get flushed down a toilet of his own plumbing. However, it is probably not good to approve of public persecutions of people for simply having expensive tastes in whores. Now if Sptizer misappropriated money to buy the whores, that’s another issue altogether. But If you don’t want to be persecuted, shamed, and ruined for your own sexual peccadilloes, then it is probably not a good idea to do the same to others. He who protests too much should allow his own closet to be inspected.

I think Spitzer’s biggest mistake was to fuck with a guy named Bruno.

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